


Of Monsters & Men

by Patd06



Category: Bleach
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, M/M, Sexual Content, Swearing, Trans Male Character, Transphobia, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-10
Updated: 2016-05-19
Packaged: 2018-05-06 00:38:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5396222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Patd06/pseuds/Patd06
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What does it mean to be a real man? That's the question Grimmjow has to ask himself when his best friend, Ichigo, returns from a four year absence with a different last name and a totally different appearance.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Disappearance of Ichigo Kurosaki

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! So I've been wanting to do this for a while now. It's a way for me to discuss some issues that are important to me. I want everyone to know that in this fic, Ichigo is female-to-male transgender. I don't want any transphobic comments, if that's possible. Please, if you don't like this type of thing, don't read it. Also, in the fic there will be some triggering topics, but I will place warnings at the beginning of each chapter.
> 
> I hope you all can find this enjoyable :)
> 
> Warnings for this chapter:  
> \--transphobic language  
> \--misgendering

###  Chapter I: _The Disappearance of Ichigo Kurosaki_

_We all laughed together, the rain pummeling our skin as we hopped from puddle to puddle. Our parents were sure to be pissed at us, but we didn’t care. Me, Renji, Rukia, Nnoitra, Shinji, and Ichigo. We kept playing in the rain, as if nothing mattered but that moment. In a way, nothing did. We had each other and that was all we’d ever need._

_Ichigo laughed, her bright orange braids bouncing as she jumped in the air. I watched her, feeling myself become even happier simply from seeing her smile. She was perfect; everything was perfect. And then it wasn’t._

It had been four years. She left four years ago, and she didn’t tell any of us where she was going. She was there one day, and then the next day she was gone. It was a mystery to us, but everyone else seemed to just keep going like nothing happened. Of course we went to her parents and asked where she was; she was our best friend. Her mom just started crying and had to leave the room, but her dad. . .I should have known something was up when I saw that steely look in his eyes. He looked cold, detached when he said, _“Ichigo is very sick. We’ve sent her to a special school to get better.”_ I didn’t believe that for one second, but he told us to leave shortly after. My other friends just accepted it, but I never did. Ichigo was close to all of us, but she was closest to me. She wouldn’t just leave without telling me; at least that’s what I thought.

I walked through the halls of Clairemont High School, a scowl set firmly into my features. I’d become somewhat of a punk, making sure to keep my distance from everyone who I didn’t consider a friend before high school. My main group consisted of Renji Abarai, another notable punk with crazy long red hair and even crazier tattoos; Rukia Kuchiki, Renji’s girlfriend and the sister of the principal, Byakuya Kuchiki; Nnoitra Gilga, my tall as fuck best friend and Shinji Hirako, Nnoitra’s gay as fuck boyfriend. There were a few other people who hung around us, but I didn’t consider them my friends. This one girl, Orihime Inoue, hung around Rukia a lot, but honestly she was annoying as fuck. I’d heard something about her having a crush on me because I saved her from some thots who were bullying  her, but she was going to have to cut that out.

I hadn’t been interested in anyone the past three years that I’d been in high school. Not that there wasn’t an abundance of girls throwing themselves at me, but none of them were Ichigo. It’d been rather obvious to everyone except her that I had the world’s biggest crush on her; she was so pretty, with her long orange hair that she usually kept in two braids and her big brown eyes that sparkled like tourmaline in the sun. She never wore dresses or skirts, but she didn’t have to; she was perfect just the way she was. I couldn’t forget her if I tried. She meant everything to me. In some way, I don’t think I ever let her go. I felt that if I dated anyone else, I’d be betraying her. Maybe deep down I was sure she’d come back, and I didn’t want to be in some meaningless relationship with some other girl when she did.

“Grimm!” I heard behind me. I turned to see Rukia and Renji running to catch up with me; well, Rukia was running, Renji was kinda just casually strolling like I had been. I stopped walking and waited for them to catch up to me. “Did you hear? We’re supposed to be getting a new student in our class.”

I just grunted in response. I didn’t talk very much, which probably added to my reputation as an asshole, but I really didn’t care.

“My brother says it’s a boy, but he won’t tell me anything else.” I just shrugged as we headed for our homeroom class. I didn’t care; I was sure it’d just end up being some dude who’d stare at my hair too long and I’d end up kicking his ass. Same shit different toilet. I took my seat next to Orihime; trust me, it wasn’t by choice. Our seats were assigned alphabetically. She smiled at me and I inclined my head slightly before I took out my phone and started to mess with it like I always did. About a minute later, the bell rang and our homeroom teacher, Mrs. Hinamori walked in followed by someone who managed to do the impossible: he caught my attention.

He was tall, but not insanely so like Nnoitra, about five nine. He had short choppy orange hair; the brightest orange I’d seen since Ichigo. His skin was tannish and his body was lean. He wore a tight fitting long sleeved black shirt with tight skinny jeans and beat up black Converse. He stood next to Mrs. Hinamori’s desk, his eyes cast downward. I wished for him to look up; I needed to see his eyes, because I had a feeling. There was something. . .familiar about him, even though I’d never met him in my life. I watched intently as Mrs. Hinamori scanned the attendance list and instructed him to sit between Cirucci Sanderwicci and Coyote Starrk. He looked up then to scan the room and follow her instructions, and that’s when I knew. Mrs. Hinamori didn't even have to say her name; I knew it was Ichigo. But why did she look like that?

“Class, this is Ichigo Shiba. Please do your best to make him feel welcome here at Clairemont.”

I stiffened at the name. Ichigo’s last name was Kurosaki; I knew that for certain. Maybe I was wrong and it wasn’t her. I knew Ichigo’s family was from Japan, and while I didn’t know much about the Japanese language, I was sure that Ichigo was a girl’s name. I hadn’t met anyone besides Ichigo with that name. Was it really her?

The lithe male walked toward the back of the room, keeping his eyes hidden behind his bangs. Once he got to my desk, he looked up slightly, catching my gaze with his own. His eyes were a beautiful brown, just like hers; they looked different though. Hers were bright and full of happiness; his were dull and lifeless, like he’d seen far too much for his short lifetime. He looked away from me, and continued to the back. I wasn’t sure, so I looked next to me at Rukia; her violet eyes were wide. She recognized it too. Renji had turned around in his seat, his russet eyes following the new student until he sat down. The look on his face was nothing short of disgust.

Was I disgusted too? I remember feeling a lot of things, but disgust wasn’t one of them. If this was truly Ichigo, my best friend and the only girl I’d ever loved, then how could I be disgusted? For the duration of homeroom, I was anxious. I wanted to talk to her, hear her voice, her laugh. I’d missed her more than anything. When the bell for first period finally rang, I got up from my seat and gravitated straight to her. . .or him rather.

He didn’t look up as soon as I got to him, but when he did, I was captivated, just like I always was. His frown marred his gorgeous features that were still essentially the same as they’d always been.

“Hey,” was all I said. He continued to frown, but it lessened a bit.

“Hey.”

His voice was sweet, but distinctly masculine. It was nearly the same as it was before, but you could definitely tell it was a male voice. His full lips curled into the slightest of smiles at my question, “Need someone to show you around?” He pulled his schedule from his messenger bag and handed it to me.

“Sure.”

Just as we were about to leave the room, I heard my name.

“Grimmjow!” I turned around to see Renji standing with Rukia and Orihime. He looked between Ichigo and me, his nose turned up slightly. “What are you doing?”

“Minding my business,” I responded easily, gesturing for Ichigo to follow me as I left the room.

“You’ve changed,” Ichigo said, softly, as we walked through the hall together. I raised an eyebrow but kept my gaze forward.

“You’re one to talk.” I got my wish; Ichigo laughed, and it was the same sweet sound, only deeper and huskier.

“Touché, blueberry.”

The rest of our walk was in silence, but neither of us missed the whispers. It seemed people already knew a lot more about Ichigo than he’d expected. I heard a lot of different things, but the one that caught my attention was, “tranny”. I think it caught Ichigo’s attention too, because he frowned deeply, though he kept his gaze forward and his head high.

We stopped next to the door for his class. He looked up at me, giving me a smile that didn’t exactly reach his eyes.

“Thanks for the help, Grimm.” I couldn’t help smiling myself; of course other people called me by that nickname, but it was never the same as when she did.

“No problem, Ichi. I’ll meet you here before second.”

He nodded and waved before he went into the classroom. I headed for my own first period class, which I thankfully had with Nnoitra and Shinji. Of course when I walked into the room, they were already being scolded for sucking face. I shook my head and took my seat next to Nnoitra. He turned to me with a mile-wide grin that strangely matched his boyfriend’s.

“Did ya hear?” he asked, and Shinji leaned over his desk to be able to be a part of the conversation.

“Hear what?” I asked, pulling a notebook from my backpack.

“Ichigo’s back, but _she’s_ a _he_ now.”

“I know; I walked him to class.”

“Oh yeah? You know Renji’s pissed as fuck about that. He thinks yer gonna get some kinda disease.”

“That’s just fucking stupid,” I said, as our teacher walked into the room and started class.

When the bell for second period rang, I left the classroom with Nnoi and Shinji in tow. They were really the only people I truly got along with. Of course I considered Renji and Rukia my friends too, but they didn’t really understand me the way Nnoi and Shin did, the way Ichigo did.

Ichigo was waiting outside the classroom door, and Shinji tore himself from Nnoitra’s side, running and jumping around the oranget’s neck. Ichigo looked surprised before his features softened and he hugged Shinji back.

“It’s so good to see you, Ichi. You look. . .well hot!” Shinji said, stepping back to give Ichigo an up-down look. He shifted under Shinji’s intense gaze, blushing slightly, the same way she always did when someone complimented her.

“Hey, now, let’s cool those jets,” Nnoi said, but he still smiled and crossed to Ichigo, ruffling his fluffy orange hair. “Good to see ya, tangelo.”

We walked in the direction of our next class, one we all just so happened to share. We got halfway there before we saw Renji and Rukia heading toward us. Ichigo tensed, and I subconsciously stood in front of him.

“So you’re all just gonna act like everything's cool?” Renji asked once he was in front of us. He basically snarled at Ichigo, who looked like he was about to throw up. “You’re just gonna parade around with this freak of nature?”

“Hey, shut the fuck up,” Shinji said, standing in front of Ichigo and me. “You know he’s our friend.”

“That _thing_ ,” Renji said, frowning in Ichigo’s direction, “is not our friend.”

“Well maybe he ain’t yer friend, but he’s sure as hell ours,” Nnoi piped up, crossing his arms over his chest and daring Renji to challenge him. The redhead glared at all of us before he tsked and headed in the opposite direction, purposely ramming into Ichigo’s shoulder as he passed. Rukia and Orihime followed him, doing everything they could to avoid all our gazes.

I was ready to go after Renji and kick his ass for being such a piece of shit, but I felt a warm, soft hand wrap around my wrist. I looked over at Ichigo; his eyes were hidden by his bangs as he stared at the floor,

“Just let it go, Grimm. It doesn’t matter,” he said, and I could hear the slightest quiver in his soft tenor. He looked up then, his eyes shining with unshed tears; he still managed to smile though. “Let’s just go to class, okay?”

I nodded and we continued in the direction of our class. I was still fuming though; how could Renji treat Ichigo like this? This was _Ichigo_ , our friend who’d been missing for four years and was finally back. Did it really matter so much that she was a boy now? I know it didn’t matter to me. I knew it the moment I saw her eyes; I still loved Ichigo with all my heart.

Lunch was more of the same; Renji refused to let us sit at our usual table because Ichigo was with us. I didn’t care; I gestured for them to follow me, and we all went to sit on the roof. It was a little windy that day, but nothing too hard to handle. We all sat at the far edge of the roof, away from the other groups who made the roof their lunch spot. Ichigo stared at his sandwich as we all started eating.

“What’s wrong?” I asked; he didn’t look up as he messed with the sandwich, picking off the crusts.

“I feel like shit for causing you guys so much trouble,” he replied quietly. I frowned; his voice sounded so sad, so lifeless. I hated it. “I think that’s the only thing I know how to do right.”

“Hey, don’t be that way,” Shinji said, reaching out to place a hand on Ichigo’s shoulder. “We’re all happy to see ya, Ichi. Do ya know how much we’ve all missed you?”

“Not all of you,” Ichigo said, throwing his discarded crust onto the concrete.

“Don’t worry about Renji; he’s just confused is all. He’ll realize you’re the same old Ichigo, and he’ll come around.”

“That’s the thing though,” Ichigo mumbled, finally looking up at us, his brown eyes hard and his face unreadable. “I’m not the same.”

That’s when it hit me; I couldn’t just act like everything was the same. Ichigo wasn’t that same girl I used to play fight with when we were seven, or play video games with when we were thirteen. No, Ichigo was a whole other person entirely now. He’d been through things that she never did; he hadn’t told me, but I knew. It was written all over his face. I couldn’t expect Renji to act the same either; hell, it took him a year to come around to Nnoitra and Shinji being together. Still, I expected some sort of civility from him. It didn’t matter that Ichigo was a boy now; he could still be our friend. We could get to know him, just like we got to know her. Why did everything have to be so black and white?

The rest of our lunch was spent in silence, but it wasn’t exactly uncomfortable. It was familiar; in a way, it was as if Ichigo hadn’t ever left in the first place. I still felt completely at ease around her. Her aura was the same, even if her appearance was different.

We finished lunch and headed for fourth period. Nnoitra and Shinji had different classes, but Ichigo and I had the same pre-calculus class. Unfortunately, we also shared this class with Renji. He sneered at us as we entered the classroom, and that sad look washed over Ichigo’s face. I gripped his arm gently, not hard enough to hurt, but firm enough to let him know I was there and I wasn’t going to leave. I’d never leave.

We took seats at the back of the class, since my usual seat was occupied by Bambietta Basterbine, Renji’s ex girlfriend, and a noted loudmouth. She turned around in her seat and pinned Ichigo with a sour look.

“You’re actually kinda hot for a tranny. Shit, does that make me a lesbian?” she asked, turning to Renji who started to laugh.

“How about you keep your mouth closed before I rip your vocal chords out?” I respond, icily. She laid a hand against her chest, seemingly shocked.

“Oh, you finally learned how to speak?”

“I’ve always known how to speak, dumb bitch,” I growled. “I just chose not to speak to those beneath me. You’ve pissed me the fuck off though.” I wanted to continue my verbal assault, but Ichigo stopped me.

“I think she’s just mad because she wants my dick,” he said, and I couldn’t help laughing at that. Bambietta’s face turned as red as her ex’s hair and she turned around to face front again. Ichigo smirked triumphantly as Renji glared at him.

The rest of the day went by pretty quickly, and before I knew it, the final bell was ringing. I left my class to find Ichigo; I approached his locker where he stood, gripping his ribs. Something wasn’t right. I rushed over to him and reached out to touch him. He jumped away, but relaxed once he realized it was me.

“What happened, Ichi?” I asked.

“Dodgeball in gym. They decided to play everyone against the tranny,” he replied with a wry laugh.

“That’s not -”

“Don’t say it,” he said, holding his hand up to stop me from speaking. I pursed my lips and watched him with steely eyes. He lifted his messenger bag onto his shoulder, though it looked like it caused him a large amount of pain.

“Let me carry that for you,” I said, trying to take the bag from him. He slapped my hand away.

“I’m not a little girl anymore, Grimmjow!” he exclaimed. I frowned at him, and his features softened. “I mean. . .fuck, I’m sorry. I just. . .you don’t have to protect me, Grimm. It’s not your job.” He turned and headed for the exit.

“At least let me help you with your injuries,” I said, following him, but keeping my distance. He stopped walking but didn’t turn around.

“Trust me. I’ve lived through a lot worse.”


	2. That Makes Two of Us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for the chapter:
> 
> \--transphobic language  
> \--misgendering  
> \--mild violence

###  Chapter II: _That Makes Two of Us_

A few weeks passed, and it was clear that Renji wasn’t going to let it go. He continued to harass Ichigo, and that was when I found out they were in the same gym class.  I immediately went to Principal Kuchiki and asked to be switched. Since he knew me as one of his sister’s close friends, he obliged. Ichigo wasn’t exactly happy about the change, but I wasn’t really doing it for him; I was doing it for her. I still believed that girl I loved was trapped somewhere inside that boy whose hardened exterior scared pretty much everyone away from him. I still wanted to protect her.

I watched him change into his gym clothes, keeping on the long sleeved black shirt and swapping tight skinny jeans for a pair of loose fitting white basketball shorts. He slipped on a pair of Nikes and looked at me, letting me know he was ready to leave the locker room. We walked out into the gym where the teacher, Mr. Zaraki, was instructing everyone to line up. Ichigo and I fell into place next to Ulquiorra Cifer, a guy who I’d talked to a bit in middle school, but we were never close.

“Alright, ladies, time for some old fashioned street ball; shirts versus skins.”

I saw Ichigo visibly stiffen out of the corner of my eye, and I frowned; the prospect of having to remove his shirt definitely seemed to freak him out. I could only hope that Mr. Zaraki would notice too.

“Grimmjow, Renji, you’re captains. Grimmjow shirts, Renji skins, Renji gets first pick.”

Renji and I stepped from within the ranks, and I watched as his face broke into a menacing grin that I wasn’t used to seeing on my friend. His gaze fell on Ichigo, and my heart sank to the pit of my stomach. He really wouldn’t do this, would he?

“I pick Ichigo.”

The orange haired male tensed up even more, crossing his arms over his chest and shaking his head.

“What’s the problem, Shiba?” Mr. Zaraki asked, seemingly completely oblivious to the snarl on Renji’s face.

“I’d rather not have to take off my shirt. It makes me uncomfortable.”

“You know what makes me uncomfortable? When little bitches whine about shit that doesn’t matter. Now get over there.”

Ichigo hugged himself and crossed the line to stand next to Renji, albeit about three feet away from the red head. I looked over at him, but he was staring at the floor; it looked like he was fighting back tears, but I didn’t know what to do. We finished picking our teams, and then it was time for the skins team to remove their shirts. Everyone did, except Ichigo.

“Shiba, I’m not kidding. Get out of the shirt or you’re getting detention for the next month,” Mr. Zaraki barked, and Ichigo bit his lip as tears filled his brown eyes. I couldn’t just stand by and watch anymore.

“Mr. Z, can’t you just let him switch with someone? It’s obviously something that he really doesn’t want to do,” I spoke up finally, and Mr. Zaraki turned to me, glaring a hole through me with his one good eye.

“Shut your mouth, boy. Either he’s a man or he isn’t. If he’s a man, he won’t be acting like a little bitch just because he has to take his goddamned shirt off!”

“But, sir -”

“Grimmjow, didn’t I say it wasn’t your job to protect me?” Ichigo spoke up then, staring at me with those dull, tear-filled eyes. I frowned at him, but he just shook his head, reaching for the hem of his shirt and pulling it over his head.

A few shocked gasps came from around the room, including from myself. Ichigo stood before us, his sun-kissed skin littered with scars. Two particular scars stood out the most; they were semicircles underneath his pectorals, where his breasts would have been if he was still female. Another scar stood out also, this one on his bicep, deep and ugly. He glared at everyone looking at him.

“There. Happy now?” he asked, as he threw his shirt to the ground. A single tear slipped from his left eye and he brushed it away furiously. I wanted to run to him and comfort him. I wanted to hold him in my arms because I never wanted to see him hurt; I never wanted to see _her_ hurt.

“Alright, enough of the freak show; let’s just play,” Renji said, looking at Ichigo with disgust. I was sure then that I hated him. He did that to purposely embarrass Ichigo. What kind of person does something like that?

We flipped a coin to see who got to start, and I won, taking the ball from Mr. Zaraki and dribbling it. My eyes were set on Renji. I wanted nothing more than to fuck him up for messing with Ichigo like that, but it seemed that someone else had other plans. Before I realized it, a blur of orange whipped past me, stealing the ball and running straight for the hoop. I swore under my breath, gesturing for another member of my team to go after him, but it was too late. Ichigo had already taken the ball all the way to the hoop, jumping and dunking it. He hung from the hoop for a while before he jumped down, landing and turning to face everyone. My mouth was hanging open, and I was sure I wasn’t the only one. Ichigo just smirked, picking up the ball and bouncing it between his legs.

“What? Thought I’d play like a girl?”

The rest of the game went like this, with Ichigo pretty much carrying his team by himself. This of course made Renji furious; he was supposed to be the captain, and I could see it on his face as he glared at Ichigo, his features dripping with malice. He bounced the ball against the shiny floor, eyes set on an unsuspecting Ichigo. I frowned as he started to move, and I could see clearly what he was trying to do. I was too far away though; I wasn’t going to make it in time.

“Ichigo, watch out!” I called, but it was too late. Just as Ichigo looked at me in confusion, Renji’s solid body collided with his, immediately sending him backwards. Ichigo looked shocked as he fell to the floor, sliding on his back until his head smacked against the wall with a sickening crack. Mr. Zaraki blew his whistle furiously as I ran over to Ichigo, who appeared to be unconscious. His face was slack as I lifted him into my arms; the back of his head was dripping with blood, and I hoped that it just looked worse than it was. I turned to Renji who suddenly looked guilty as fuck. “What the fuck is wrong with you?!”

“Ulquiorra, help Grimmjow take Ichigo to the nurse,” Mr. Zaraki instructed. He turned to Renji, glaring viciously. “You, come with me. The rest of you are dismissed.”

Ulquiorra walked next to me in silence, holding a cloth to the back of Ichigo’s head as I carried him bridal style through the halls. The stoic boy didn’t say a word more often than not, but it was easy to see that he was upset. His emerald eyes were stormy as he looked straight ahead.

“I can’t believe this shit,” I mumbled, looking at Ichigo’s peaceful face.

“He is your friend,” Ulquiorra responded, keeping his gaze trained on the hall before us. I shook my head.

“Not anymore. I can’t be friends with someone like that.”

“I’m glad you aren’t as dumb as you used to be.”

We walked the rest of the way to the nurse, and once we got there, she looked at us with a frown, gesturing for me to lay Ichigo on one of the cots. Ulquiorra kept the cloth to the back of his head until he was secured on the lumpy mattress. The nurse got to work quickly, pulling out her kit and dressing Ichigo’s wound. Thankfully it wasn’t as bad as it seemed. I wasn’t going to leave, and it looked like Ulquiorra wasn’t either, so we took seats in the corner of the room and waited for the nurse to finish. Once she was done, she smiled kindly at us.

“Your friend will be just fine. I just have to wait for him to wake up to make sure he doesn’t have a concussion.”

We nodded and continued to wait. I watched Ichigo’s chest rise and fall, my eyes lingering on the scars despite my best efforts to keep them from doing so.

“They’re not going to go away just because you stare at them,” Ulquiorra commented, dryly and I tore my eyes away from Ichigo’s skin, feeling ashamed. “He talks about you often.”

“Oh yeah?” I asked, raising an eyebrow. Ulquiorra nodded.

“We have physics together; I was assigned to be his lab partner.” My gaze shifted back to Ichigo, this time falling on his face instead of his scars. “He hates causing you so much trouble; at least that’s what he said.”

“I already told him he doesn’t cause me trouble,” I said, keeping my gaze steady on Ichigo, who stirred, as if he felt we were talking about him. He groaned and tried to sit up; I rushed over to him keeping him steady. “Hey, be careful.”

“What happened?” he asked, groggily. I clenched my teeth as I thought about what Renji did. Before I could answer Ichigo’s question, the nurse returned, smiling at him warmly.

“Hi there, Ichigo. I’m just gonna ask you some questions to make sure you don’t have a concussion, alright?” Ichigo nodded, and the nurse shined a light in his eyes. “What’s the name of this school?”

“Clairemont High School.”

“Good, and what day is it?”

“November twenty-fourth.”

The nurse continued with her questions as I stood by Ichigo’s side. He seemed fine, but of course there could be internal damage, so the nurse suggested he go to the hospital. I volunteered to take him, and Ulquiorra decided to tag along, if only to get out of afternoon classes.

“Can you walk, Ichi?” I asked. He nodded and stood, but faltered slightly. I wrapped an arm around his lean waist, keeping him grounded. Ulquiorra supported his other side, and we left the nurse’s office, heading for the senior parking lot. When we got to my car, Ulquiorra helped me secure Ichigo in the front seat before he climbed in the back and I went around to the driver’s side.

The ride to the hospital was silent except for the rumbling of my car’s engine. I didn’t want to turn on the radio for fear of upsetting Ichigo’s injury, and I didn’t really have much to say either. I was too mad to speak. If I were Ichigo, I’d sue the fuck out of Renji for that bullshit. I, however, am not Ichigo; he’s much, much nicer than I am.

Ulquiorra and I helped Ichigo into the waiting room and checked him in. We waited for about twenty minutes before the receptionist called me over.

“Is there a guardian I can call for him, dear?” she asked, and I was stumped. Obviously Ichigo couldn’t be on good terms with his parents; he didn’t even use their last name anymore.

“Let me ask.” The receptionist nodded and I walked over to Ichigo, squatting down in front of him. His eyes were closed, but they slid open when I spoke, “Ichi? They wanna know if there’s someone they can call.”

“Kaien Shiba.” I took out my phone as Ichigo recited a number to me. I gave the number to the nurse and returned to Ichigo’s side. He’d closed his eyes again, and he seemed to be mumbling something under his breath, but I didn’t pay it too much attention. We spent another fifteen minutes waiting, Ulquiorra and I watching the news station they had playing on the large, flat screen television. Finally a nurse stepped from the back and called Ichigo’s name. Ulquiorra helped me take him to the nurse, and she stopped us from coming to the back with him.

“I’m sorry boys, but to respect the patient’s privacy, only family members are allowed in the examination room.”

“I’m his boyfriend,” I blurted, immediately. I knew it was wrong to lie, but I didn’t want to leave Ichigo alone, at least not until his guardian arrived. The nurse nodded, and I sent an apologetic look to Ulquiorra, who just shrugged and returned to his space in the waiting area.

The nurse took Ichigo’s vitals and asked him the same series of questions that the school nurse had. He still didn’t seem to be showing signs of a concussion, but he kept his eyes closed unless the nurse specifically asked him to open them. She left the room, and Ichigo and I sat in silence. I watched him as he continued to mumble under his breath; then, his eyes slid open and he fixed me with a straight stare.

“Why did you lie?” he asked; his voice was cold, almost robotic. I squirmed under his hard gaze.

“I just didn’t want to leave you alone,” I murmured. Ichigo frowned, closing his eyes yet again.

“What do you want from me?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, why are you doing this? What do you want?” he asked, his voice getting louder. I leaned back in my chair, as he re-opened his eyes and started to glare at me.

“I don’t want anything. I just want to help. You’re my friend.”

“You don’t know me,” he growled, obviously trying to intimidate me. “I’m not her.”

It was true; I’d been treating him like the girl I’d spent the majority of my childhood with, but he wasn’t her. That didn’t mean I didn’t want to know him. I just wanted things between us to go back to the way they were. I guess that’s where I went wrong.

“Okay, I’m sorry. I just. . .I just want to be there for you.”

“Why?”

“Because I -” I stopped myself before I said something I’d definitely regret. Ichigo was already mad enough without me going and confessing my undying love for him. If I’d said it, I wouldn’t have meant it. I wasn’t in love with Ichigo Shiba; I was in love with Ichigo Kurosaki. I had to learn the difference.

Ichigo glared at me for a moment longer before he turned and faced front, staring at the door. He seemed to drift away then, but I didn’t want to bother him anymore; I decided I’d wait until his guardian arrived, and then I would leave.

The doctor came into the room, checking Ichigo for symptoms of head trauma and asking him the concussion questions once more. I watched quietly from the corner, trying to stay out of the way. Soon, there was a knock on the door, and it opened revealing a tall male who looked a lot like Ichigo.

“Ichigo, what happened?” he asked, kneeling down in front of the oranget. Ichigo shrugged, looking over at me. I wanted to say something snide about him suddenly needing my help, but I thought better of it. Instead, I gave my attention to the dark haired man, explaining everything that happened. When I was done, the older man reached out and gripped my shoulder. “Thanks for taking care of him.”

“No problem. I’m gonna go now.” I could feel Ichigo’s eyes on me as I left the room, but I didn’t look back. He didn’t ask me to stay, so I didn’t see a reason to. I made it back to the waiting area and gestured for Ulquiorra to follow me so we could make the drive back to the school and finish the day.

Later that night, I was in my room finishing up some Spanish homework when my phone buzzed against my desk. An unknown number was on the display, and I frowned a bit before I unlocked my phone and checked the message.

_Thanks for today. I’m sorry for shutting you out._

I knew it could only be one person, but I still needed to be sure, so I responded with an inquiry of identity. My phone vibrated shortly thereafter with a response,

_Ichigo Shiba_

**How did you get my number?**

_I just used the one from when we were kids. I guess I’m lucky you never change._

**I suppose so. Don’t worry about today. It was just the right thing to do.**

_But you still didn’t have to do it, and I didn’t have to act like such an ass so I’m sorry. I’d like us to be friends, if that’s possible._

I found that statement funny, since I’d already considered us friends, but if he wanted to make it more formal, I would oblige.

I continued to message him as I worked on my homework, and soon my mother was calling me for dinner. I slid my phone into my pocket and made my way down the stairs and into the dining room where the table was already set for four. I wasn’t sure why she still bothered setting the fourth spot.

“Nelliel, please come down now!” my mom called as I took my spot to the right of the head of the table.

My mother, Anabelle, was a faithful and loving stay at home mother. Her long sky blue hair and bright blue eyes were enough to attract anyone’s attention, without her having the brightest smile this side of the Milky Way. My younger sister, Nelliel, was lucky to inherit most of those traits from her, except instead of blue hair, she possessed the sea green hair of our father, Michelis.

My father was a ruthless and notorious businessman, one of the wealthiest men in the state of California, possibly all of the country. His cutthroat attitude along with his remarkable intelligence propelled him to the top of his career at age twenty-five, and he only advanced until his current age of forty. Of course being such an important businessman led to not having very much time for a family, which led to my mother, sister, and me spending a lot of time without his company. Honestly, I was grateful for that.

Nellie flopped down in her spot next to me, leaning her head on my shoulder. She was four years younger than me, and she’d just had her thirteenth birthday the past April. I smiled at her antics as my mother frowned at her from the other side of the table.

“Nelliel, please sit up straight and don’t be a nuisance to your brother.”

“Have I ever indicated that she was a nuisance to me?” I asked, picking over my roasted potatoes. I heard my mother sigh.

“No, but I would still prefer her to practice proper table etiquette if that’s not too much to ask.”

“She’s just a kid, Mother.”

“I’m not a kid, Grimmothy,” Nelliel chided, sticking her tongue out at me. I grimaced at the disgusting nickname and she laughed.

“How was school?” Mother asked, which sent Nellie off into a fit of excited chatter about some new art project she’d been assigned, and a new friend she’d made. “And you, Grimmjow?”

I shrugged, pushing my peas around my plate. “Just the same as usual.”

“Are you sure? You’ve been acting rather melancholic as of late.”

I was surprised my mother had noticed a change in my behaviour. Not to seem like the cliché angsty teenager, but my parents didn’t really pay much attention to me. I didn’t mind that too much, since I spent a good amount of my time ignoring them too.

“Nothing crazy, just some issues with a friend.”

“Renji?”

“I suppose it has a bit to do with him. Do you remember my friend Ichigo who moved away a few years ago?”

“Sure, how could I forget? She was all you could talk about,” my mother said, with a smile. Once again I was surprised; I didn’t know she cared about my silly infatuation with my childhood friend.

“Well, she’s back. I mean, she’s a he now, so he’s back.” I looked at my mother’s face to gage her reaction to the information I’d just given her. She seemed surprised, but she also seemed to be thinking about what she was going to say before she said it.

“Invite him for dinner tomorrow. It’s been so long, and I’d love to see him.”

Maybe my mother wasn’t as bad as I thought she was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to all who left kudos and comments. I'm so glad you all are enjoying the story so far :)


	3. Isles & Glaciers

###  **Chapter III** **:** ** _Isles & Glaciers_**

The next day at lunch, I invited Ulquiorra to join Nnoitra, Shinji, Ichigo, and me. Ichigo seemed comfortable around the stoic dark-haired male, and it turned out that Nnoitra was already friends with him, so he fit in quite nicely with our group. Of course when Rukia saw us all heading for the roof, I could see her discontent with our setup, but I really didn’t care. Her boyfriend had shown his true colors the past few weeks and I was done with his shit. Luckily, he’d been suspended for five days for the gym incident, and hopefully he’d think better of messing with Ichigo in the future.

I was trying to find the right time to invite Ichigo to dinner. I didn’t want it to seem like a date or anything, because I was sure I knew how he’d react to that. I also didn’t want to ask him in front of everyone, because I knew Nnoi and Shin wouldn’t hesitate to make fun of me because of my crush. I supposed that I could ask him via text, but that seemed rather cowardly, so in the end I just came up with the best option.

“Guys, my mom wants all of you to come for dinner tonight,” I said. Nnoitra and Shinji nodded while Ichigo and Ulquiorra looked confused. I smiled at both of them. “That includes you two. You guys are my friends.”

“Oh. I’ll have to ask Kaien,” Ichigo said, taking his phone out presumably to text his guardian. I also needed to talk to my mom about the extra company, though I was sure she’d be fine with it.

After lunch, I was making my way to my astronomy class when I heard someone call my name. I turned around to see Rukia walking toward me and I frowned. I guess I wasn’t really as mad at her as I was at Renji; she hadn’t actually done anything wrong, but she hadn’t tried to stop Renji either, which was just as bad in my eyes. She stopped in front of me, looking up with sad violet eyes.

“Grimm, please stop this. I don’t like us not being together. It’s not right,” she said, and my frown lessened a bit. I could see that us not being friendly with one another was really getting to her.

“If Renji can’t accept all of us, then he gets none of us,” I said, firmly. I was going to stand by what I believed; I was never one to be swayed and Rukia knew that.

“But. . .she’s different now. It’s not the same.”

“Why not?”

“You know why. It’s just weird, Grimmjow.”

I guess I was wrong about Rukia; she was just as pigheaded as her boyfriend. I turned to leave but she grabbed my arm. I immediately pulled away from her.

“If that’s what you really think about Ichigo, then I have no desire to speak to you anymore.” Rukia rolled her eyes then.

“You’re so clouded by your childhood crush. Wake up, Grimm! She’s not the same girl you were in love with! She’s a freak!” she exclaimed, and it only served to make me even angrier. I turned to leave once more, daring her to touch me with my aura. I made my way to my class without a backwards glance.

It amazed me to see the people I grew up with turn into such bigoted fools. I wondered how Byakuya would feel hearing that kind of nonsense coming from his little sister’s mouth. It was disgusting. Of course I didn’t understand exactly why Ichigo chose to become a boy, but it wasn’t for me to understand. It was Ichigo’s decision, and I would stand by her because she was my friend, and it was only right to do so. What Ichigo did hadn’t hurt anyone and it hadn’t hurt her, at least not that I could see. Maybe people’s reactions to her change had caused her pain, but the change itself hadn’t. I honestly couldn’t see exactly why Renji and Rukia felt so strongly about something that really had nothing to do with them in the end.

After last period, I met Ichigo in the parking lot. His guardian had said it was okay for him to come to my house as long as he finished his homework, so we decided to work on it together before dinner. Nnoitra and Shinji would join us later, after picking up Ulquiorra. Ichigo smiled at me slightly, and I returned it with a smile of my own before I gestured for him to follow me to my car.

The drive to my house was quick and painless, and when we arrived, Ichigo looked around at my house in awe. We’d moved into a new house about two years after Ichigo left; it was three stories with six bedrooms and five bathrooms, a little much if you asked me, but it wasn’t my decision. I led Ichigo through the foyer with him lagging behind to look at the decorations and trappings. I made my way to the kitchen where my mother stood at the island, writing what was probably a shopping list for the night’s dinner.

“Hello, Mother,” I said, garnering her attention. She looked up and then past me and smiled.

“Hello, boys. Ichigo, come here.”

Ichigo hesitantly made his way toward her; it wasn’t as if he didn’t know her. He’d spent a large amount of time around my family when we were younger, or I suppose I should say she did. Ichigo Kurosaki knew my family well, but this would be the first time Ichigo Shiba met my mother. My mother opened her arms and Ichigo hugged her; she squeezed him tight before she pulled away and brushed her hand through his fluffy orange hair.

“You’re so handsome. We thought we’d never see you again,” she said, and he smiled, seemingly exhaling. He was probably expecting some kind of adverse reaction from her, but I guess we were lucky that my mother wasn’t that type of person.

“Thank you, Mrs. Jaegerjaquez. It’s good to see you too,” he said, with a smile. 

“I’m making lasagna for tonight; I hope that’s okay.” 

“Yes ma’am, whatever you make is fine.”

“Alright, you boys get started on your homework. Grimmjow, make sure Nelliel does the same when she gets home from cheerleading practice, alright?” I nodded as my mother grabbed her list and keys from the island and headed for the front door.

I started for the stairs and Ichigo followed me. We walked in silence until we got to my room. I opened the door and flipped on the lights. Ichigo audibly gasped, and I couldn’t help feeling a bit embarrassed. My room was the second largest in the house after my parents’ of course; I had a California king bed along with a fifty-two inch flat screen television and a walk-in closet. The room was decorated in my favorite colors, aquamarine and white, even down to the white carpet. I had floor to ceiling windows and a door that led to my balcony. A gold and crystal chandelier hung from the ceiling, lighting the room. Ichigo dropped his messenger bag by the door, looking around in awe.

“I guess your dad’s been busy since I left,” he said, making his way to one of the couches in front of the television. I just smirked at the comment, dropping my own bag in my desk chair and going to my closet to change into more comfortable clothing. I wasn’t sure how Ichigo spent so much time in such tight clothing, but I was not with him in that endeavor. I changed into a pair of maroon sweatpants and a white tank before I returned to the room where Ichigo had already gotten started on his homework.

I joined him on the couch and we worked in silence. I couldn't help stealing glances at him every once in a while. His features were definitely masculine, but I could still see hints of his old female self. He'd always had a distinct shape to his face, and that was the same, along with his eyes. They were still almond shaped and cinnamon brown; the only thing that'd changed about them was the hardness in them. I wanted to ask him where he'd been and what made him change, but I knew I couldn't. It wasn't my business, but I couldn't help being curious.

“If you want to ask me something, go ahead. Your staring is creeping me out,” he said, without looking up from his work. I cleared my throat and turned away, fighting off a blush.

“Sorry.”

“Don't worry about it. What is it that you want to ask me?” He set his books down on the coffee table, and turned on the couch so that he was facing me. He seemed willing to talk, but I knew better. If I'd learned anything in the weeks since Ichigo returned, it would be that things aren't always what they seem.

“I just. . .” I trailed off, not sure how to formulate the inquiry. Ichigo just looked at me, encouraging me to continue with his eyes. “I just want to know why you left. And why you didn't tell me.”

My question seemed to cause Ichigo to tense up, but I wasn't sure which part bothered him. He cleared his throat before he spoke,

“I'll tell you some other time. That's not a conversation for now. Just know that while I was gone, you were always on my mind.”

While it wasn’t the answer I’d hoped for, it was an answer, so I decided to just let it go for the moment. We continued working in silence until I heard the door open downstairs, Nelliel’s voice carrying up the stairs not long after.

“Oh, Grimmothy? Where art thou, darling brother?” Ichigo snickered as I rolled my eyes. She was so extra for no reason.

“I’m in my room, Nellie,” I called back. I heard her bounding up the stairs and then she bursted through the door, stopping in her tracks when her eyes fell on Ichigo. She gave him an inquisitive look before she turned to me.

“Has Grimmy made a new friend?” she asked, sweetly, coming over to the couch and sitting down between Ichigo and me.

“Not really. Do you remember Ichigo, Nellie?” She nodded before she turned to Ichigo.

“But Ichigo was a girl, right? You look like a boy,” she said to the orange-haired male. I bristled, expecting him to act adversely to her blunt statement. He surprised me once more when he just smiled.

“I am a boy, Nel. I used to be a girl, but that was a long time ago.”

“So you were a girl, but now you’re a boy?”

“Yup.”

“Wow! I didn’t know you could do that! Does that mean you don’t get periods anymore?”

“Okay, Nellie, that’s enough questions,” I said, picking her up and tickling her. She hit me, but it didn't do much to stop me from carrying her out of the room. I sat her down in the hallway. “Mother says to start on your homework. You better; I’m gonna check, little nugget.” I ruffled her hair and she stuck her tongue out at me, running down the hall to her room. I shook my head and returned to my room, where Ichigo still sat on the couch, seemingly amused by the display of sibling affection between my sister and me.

“Sorry about that. I really don’t know where she gets that big mouth from.”

“It’s okay, Grimm. She’s just a kid. Kids are great; it’s people our age and older that suck more often than not.”

“That’s true. Why do you think that is?” I asked, picking my books back up. Ichigo shrugged and followed suit.

“That’s easy. Love comes naturally; hate is learned.”

All I could do was nod in agreement. Ichigo was always been full of little bits of knowledge like that, even when we were younger. It always seemed like she was wise way beyond her years, and that only seemed to intensify after she went away. I could feel myself becoming more and more infatuated, and I had no way to stop myself.

Soon, the doorbell rang and Ichigo and I left my room to head downstairs. Nnoi and Shinji along with Ulquiorra were there and we all stayed in the den laughing and carrying on as teenagers tend to do. Even Ichigo seemed to be having a good time. I was happy that I helped take her mind off of whatever she was going through, even if it was only for a little while.

Eventually, my mother called us for dinner and we all left the den for the dining room. I sat in my usual spot, leaving the spot next to me for Nel, since she usually liked to sit next to me. This time however, she sat down across from me. Once everyone was seated, Ichigo ended up next to me, which must’ve been Nellie’s plan from the beginning, the meddler.

“How was everyone’s day?” Mother asked, which of course led to Nel running her mouth for five minutes without breathing. Once she stopped, my mother turned her attention to Ichigo. “What about you, Ichigo?”

He looked up at her from where he’d been pushing his food around his plate as if he was shocked that she was speaking to him normally. He cleared his throat as everyone’s eyes turned to him. “It was fine, Mrs. Jaegerjaquez. Thank you.”

“Would you mind helping me load the dishwasher?” she asked, and Ichigo shook his head. “Thank you.”

Once we finished dinner, Nnoi, Shinji, Ulquiorra and I returned to the den to play video games. Of course I was itching to know why my mother wanted to be alone with Ichigo, but it wasn’t my business. If he wanted me to know he would tell me. He joined us eventually, and we all chilled out until it was late and time for them to leave. Nnoitra offered to give Ichigo a ride home, but he declined.

“I’ll wait for my cousin. Thanks though,” he said.

The air felt especially heavy once our friends were gone. We were watching some stupid rom-com film but for some reason we ended up sitting really close together on the couch. I wasn’t sure if Ichigo was as aware of our position as I was; after all, I don’t think he knew exactly how I used to feel, or how I still felt.

“Grimm?” he suddenly said, and I hummed to let him know he had my attention. “Thanks for tonight. I really needed it.”

“No problem, Ichi.” It was quiet for a while longer before I felt him shifting on the couch. When I turned my head, he was right there. I couldn’t resist. I leaned in and waited for him to meet me the rest of the way. When he did, I wasted no time devouring his mouth. This was what I wanted for the longest. It felt so right. I didn’t even notice when I laid him down. I didn’t notice when my hands started roaming all over his body. I didn’t notice until my hands were under his shirt. I felt the unevenness of the skin where his breasts would have been and I felt him tense. He pushed me off of him, looking panicked.

“I. . .I can’t. . .” he murmured, but I still didn’t understand.

“Why not?” I asked.

“I don’t want to hurt you, Grimmjow. You’re the last person I want hurt.” He got up from the couch and I grabbed his arm. He frowned at me, but not in anger, more frustration. “Please let me go, Grimm.”

“Will you tell me?” I asked, and he looked confused. “Tell me what you’re afraid of?”

He paused for a second and then pulled himself away from me. “Me. I’m afraid of myself.”

And then he was gone.


	4. Little Talks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: gender dysphoria

###  **Chapter IV** **:** ** _Little Talks_**

_I'm running. The air feels hot and damp against my skin. There's nothing in front of me but I can feel someone behind me. I hear Ichigo's voice. “Run. You have to run. Faster. Run faster. You have to keep running. Please don't stop. They'll catch you if you stop. Keep running. Keep running. Keep running.”_

My eyes shot open and I sat up in bed, breaths coming in rapid succession. It was the same dream I'd been having since the night I'd kissed Ichigo. I wasn't sure what it was supposed to mean or why I started having it. Did it mean that I was running away from something? I didn't think that was it. If anything, I was trying to get closer to Ichigo because I wanted to be with him eventually. I didn't care about the things people said and I didn't care about being called gay or a faggot or whatever. All I cared about was Ichigo.

I got out of my bed and started getting ready for school. After I had breakfast with my mother and Nel, the latter and I headed out so I could drop her off at her school before I went to my own. When we got to Nel's school, all the kids were out front, waiting for the first bell.

“Thanks, Grimmothy, you're the best,” Nel said before she tried to get out of the car. I stopped her though because I saw something. “What you want, boy?”

“Who are those two girls?” I asked and Nellie followed my gaze until she saw to whom I was referring.

“Oh they're my new friends Karin and Yuzu. Why?”

“No reason. Have a good day.”

“Weirdo,” Nel said, rolling her eyes. She got out of the car and headed for the entrance, Karin and Yuzu joining her. I knew they looked familiar but I didn't want to assume until I was certain. I was right though. Nel's new friends were Ichigo's little sisters.

Just as I was about to pull off, something told me to stay put. I put my car in park again and sat there for a second. It was just long enough for me to see a head of bright orange hair walking past. He stopped walking and stood at the edge of the school yard for a few seconds. What was he doing? He was about to start walking again but I honked my horn and he turned to face me. A ghost of a smile crossed his features before he headed for my car and got in the passenger seat.

“Hey, Grimm. What are you doing here?”

“I could ask you the same thing,” I said as I pulled away from the school. He looked back for a second before he sighed.

“I was just looking for someone.”

I wanted to tell him that my sister knew his sisters but something told me not to. I guess I didn't want to seem like I was pandering to get close to him. I decided to surprise him with that information later.

When we arrived at school, Ichigo hesitated to get out of the car.

“What's wrong?” I asked.

His head was hung low as he said, “Are you sure you want to be seen with me like this?”

“Of course. You're my friend.”

“You know people are gonna talk.”

“People always talk. Doesn't mean we have to listen.”

Ichigo lifted his head and smiled, nodding his agreement. We got out of the car and headed for the entrance together. I could hear people mumbling under their breath, saying gross and rude things but I ignored it. I could tell it was getting to Ichigo though, so I did the only thing I could think of; I threw my arm around his shoulder and pulled him close to me. I wanted him to know that as long as he stayed with me, he'd always be safe. I'd do whatever I had to to make sure of that.

“Grimm. . .what are you doing?” he asked, and I just smirked at him.

“Walking.” He smacked my chest and we shared a laugh. Once we made it to his locker, I let him go.

“You gonna be okay going to first period alone?” I asked. Ichigo gave me a deadpan look.

“I'm fine, Grimm. I told you I've been through worse.”

“You actually haven't told me,” I said. Ichigo paused at that, avoiding my gaze. I reached out and touched his cheek; he flinched and moved away. I sighed. “You know you don't have to hide anything from me.”

“Yes I do.” With that, he grabbed his stuff and headed in the opposite direction toward his class.

I'll admit that I was getting frustrated with his secrecy, but at the end of the day, Ichigo wasn't obligated to tell me anything. I still wanted to know though. I wanted to know why he flinched whenever someone tried to touch him. I wanted to know why he'd sometimes look so sad so suddenly. I wanted to know why he changed his last name. I wanted more than anything for him to divulge every single thing that'd happened to him the past four years he'd been gone, but it didn't look like he was going to. It just seemed like common courtesy that he would, considering our history. Maybe I was the only one considering our history.

I went through my classes that day on autopilot. Ichigo occupied most of my thoughts, but really, was that anything new? He had a hold on me, and now I wasn't sure if it was just because of my childhood crush. With every day that passed, my memories of Ichigo Kurosaki were slowly being replaced by new memories of Ichigo Shiba. It'd grown easier and easier to accept him for who he was and with that came more and more infatuation. It was as if I was a hummingbird and Ichigo was a flower that contained the sweetest nectar. I couldn't help but be drawn to him.

When lunchtime came, I found my friends waiting for me outside the doors of the cafeteria. Ichigo wasn't with them.

“Where's Ichigo?” I asked. Nnoitra laughed and held his hand out to Shinji who reached in his pocket and pulled out a twenty, slapping it on his boyfriend's palm.

“I knew ya were gonna ask that soon as ya walked up,” Nnoi said, pocketing the twenty. “He said he hadda go talk to someone during lunch but he's fine.”

“Oh.”

“Don't look so disappointed, Grimm-Grimm,” Shinji said, reaching up to ruffle my hair. “Ya still got us.”

Lunch went by and then the next two periods. The last period I was supposed to have with Ichigo, but he wasn't there. Of course I got worried, but there wasn't much I could do. It was nearly time for the final bell when my phone vibrated in my pocket. I pulled it out, seeing a message from Ichigo on the screen.

_I need to talk to you. Meet me at our place after school._

I wasn't sure what this would be about, but I still messaged him back and told him I would be there. After that, I was anxious for class to end. When it did, I nearly bolted from the classroom, ignoring calls from Nnoi and Shinji both and leaving for my car. I still remembered our place. Brookdale Park, the place Ichigo and I met. It was when we were six. There were plenty of kids on the playground that day, but Ichigo chose me because she liked my hair. She was the first person who didn't make fun of me for it, probably because her own hair was so long and bright orange. We played together that whole day and since then, Brookdale was our place. I was surprised he remembered though. He didn't seem very interested in revisiting his past.

I pulled up in the parking lot and immediately spotted Ichigo on one of the swings. I got out of my car and headed for where he was, taking the swing next to him. He didn't look up as he said,

“You came.”

“Of course I did. I said I would.”

“I know.”

We fell into silence, and I grew impatient. I wanted to know why he'd asked me to go there and what it was he wanted to talk to me about. I figured it was best not to rush him though; I didn't want to scare him off when he was finally willing to talk to me.

“Alright, enough stalling,” he said, finally looking up at me. “The reason I called you here is because of something your mother said to me.” I guess I tensed up a bit because Ichigo smiled and reached out to grip my forearm. “Don't worry, it wasn't anything bad. She just made me realize how silly I was being.”

“What do you mean?” I asked, trying to keep my cool despite how aware I was of the fact that Ichigo was touching me willingly.

“I mean she made me realize that I can trust you. I'd forgotten that. After all that I've been through, it's become easier for me to just shut everyone out, but I don't want to do that with you. I want you to know everything about me and I want you to decide if you still want me.” My eyes widened at that and he noticed. A slightly smug smirk crossed his features. “You think I don't know? You can't think I couldn't tell, especially after that kiss.”

“I - I don't -” I stammered, and Ichigo's grip on my arm tightened slightly.

“Maybe I didn't notice when we were kids, but that doesn't matter now. I'd like to be with you, Grimmjow, but there's a lotta shit you gotta know first.”

I nodded my head and with that, Ichigo started talking.

* * *

_My first memory is when I was three years old. I was in a field behind our house and I was running. I felt the wind blowing against my face and through my hair; the sun was in my eyes. The air smelled of daffodils and I could hear the songbirds singing beautifully. I was running and my dad was chasing me. I was laughing. It was a great day, but I just didn't feel right._

_The next memory I have is of you. That day in the park. I was sad because my mom forced me to wear a dress even though I was going to play in the park. I kicked and screamed and cried but she didn't care. I never liked wearing dresses, but she didn't understand why. All I could ever tell her was that it didn't feel right._

_As I grew and changed, that was all I thought. Nothing felt_ right _. I always felt like I wasn't who I was supposed to be, even though people told me I was pretty and I had boys confessing to me. I felt ugly and disgusting. I felt like I was in the wrong body. When I tried to explain it to my mother, she said I was just confused. I wasn't fully capable of understanding puberty but once it was over, I'd feel better. I wanted to believe her, really I did, but I couldn't. Nothing was right. It was all wrong and I was miserable at best. The only time I ever felt right was when I was with you._

_By the time I turned twelve, I couldn't take it anymore. I was starting to develop breasts and it was horrifying. To have those_ things _protruding from my chest. . .I couldn't bear it. I made a fatal mistake though, the first of many; I trusted my parents._

_I went to my mother first. She was always the easiest person to talk to. I told her about how I felt. I told her that I didn't think it was right that I was a girl. She looked at me confused. She asked me if I was running a fever, if I needed to go lie down. I told her I wasn't sick. I told her I didn't want to be a girl anymore, that what I truly felt was that I was meant to be a boy. The look in her eyes. . . I still remember it to this day. She looked completely disgusted, as if what I'd said was the nastiest thing she'd ever heard, as if the words left a bad taste in her mouth. It made me feel rotten._

_My father’s reaction was no better. In fact, his reaction was much, much worse. When I said I wanted to be a boy, he slapped me across my face. He said I was being ridiculous, and I should apologize for making my mother cry. I didn't of course; I was always so stubborn._

_Months went by with no change except my parents started getting more and more strict about religion and whatnot. I'm sure you remember that. They started beating me over the head with scripture, telling me to pray so I'd learn to accept the lord’s will. It was terrifying. I felt so helpless and alone. It wasn't until my thirteenth birthday that everything really hit the fan._

_Remember I was supposed to have a party, right? Well that didn't happen. My mother wanted me to wear a really expensive dress that she'd bought for me and I refused. I didn't want to be their pretty little princess anymore. I wanted to be the person I felt I was meant to be. My father slapped me again and my mother cried. The tension in the house was enough to crush me. I felt like I was the worst thing that'd ever happened to my family. It was on my birthday that my father told me I'd be going to St. Josephine’s School for Girls three states away. That was scary enough, but the scariest thing about the school was that it offered conversion therapy. I didn't know what it was at the time, but I would find out and in the worst possible way._

_My first day there, they forced me into the standard uniform which of course was a skirt. Having to walk around in that all day only contributed to my dysphoria. Not only that, but I was subjected to therapy to “fix” me. They treated me as if I had some kind of disease that could be cured with enough therapy and prayer. It was awful. I started self-harming then. It started with just my arms, but eventually I started cutting my thighs and torso as well. I started starving myself too, a sort of hunger strike. Really I only did it because it was the only thing I felt I could control._

_I spent a year at that school before I decided I couldn't take it anymore. A month after my fourteenth birthday, I ran away. I lived on the streets, scrapping for food and begging for money. All of this while still stuck in the wrong body. It was like I just couldn't catch a break. Then one day I met a guy. He bought me a hot meal and told me I had beautiful hair. I was captivated. He told me I could stay with him and I immediately jumped on the offer. Little did I know that trusting him was another mistake._

_It started off with just him. He asked me to touch him and I did because I felt it was only right because he was taking care of me. Then he asked if I would do it for his friends. And then friends of his friends. And then complete strangers. Before I realized it, I was his top whore. There wasn't anything I could do; he said I owed him for all he'd done for me, and I didn't think he was wrong. It wasn't until he started forcing drugs on me that I really wanted out. I couldn't find a way though, and I ended up strung out on heroin._

_It wasn't until I was sixteen that I found my way out, or rather my way out found me. I was outside working the corner; it was so cold that night, but I was still in a skimpy outfit. I can remember my teeth chattering and my scars itching. I can remember the nasty taste in my dry mouth. I can remember the weight of my breasts on my chest, the sick feeling in my stomach. I remember the car going past at first, and then coming back. When it stopped, I approached it as I always did. When the window came down, I stopped in my tracks. This wasn't just some John. It was my cousin, Kaien Shiba._

_He told me he'd been looking for me. I didn't believe him. If he was really looking, he'd’ve found me sooner. He apologized and asked me to go with him. I wanted to; anything would be better than where I was, but I'd already been burned by trusting people. I figured I didn't have anything else to lose, so I got in the car with him and went to his house. I knew my pimp wouldn't be happy but at the time I didn't care. I just wanted to be free, and I felt like Kaien would help me achieve that._

_Once I started living with Kaien, he told me how he'd found out I was missing. He'd gone to visit my family. He said they acted as if they didn't even know who I was. They'd erased me from existence since the school told them I'd ran away. I honestly didn't find that very hard to believe, but it still hurt. Kaien then told me that he'd been looking for me ever since and that someday he'd reunite me with my sisters, the only ones who hadn't disowned me. He helped me get clean and he helped me transition. Once I felt ready, we came back here._

* * *

I just sat staring at the ground. Everything Ichigo told me did nothing but make me angry. How could his parents be so cruel? Why did he have to end up prostituting himself and being on drugs? He was so young, so kind. He didn't deserve a single thing that he'd been through. I could feel my anger seeping through my pores. I wanted to hurt every person who'd hurt him. I wanted to protect him.

“Grimm?” he said, causing me to snap out of my anger induced trance. “I'm sorry I didn't tell you all of this sooner. I was afraid you wouldn't want me anymore. But your mother reminded me of our bond, and that's when I realized I trust you more than I've trusted anyone in my life besides Kaien. Now that I've told you everything, I don't want to hide anymore. If you'll have me, I'd like to be with you.”

I thought about what he'd said. It was pretty much everything I could dream of. Ichigo - my Ichigo -wanted to be with me. It was enough to make me cry. Of course I wanted to be with him too, but somewhere in my heart, I knew we weren't ready. We needed more time.

“Ichigo, there's nothing more in this world that I want than to be with you, but I think we need to take it slow. How about a date? And we'll see where it goes from there.”

Ichigo thinks about it before he nods. I lean over and capture his lips in a chaste kiss, feeling the happiness overtake all my senses. This was the start of a beautiful thing.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you all for reading :)
> 
> Until next time,
> 
> Patd06


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